he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
