I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This baby is an asshole
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize