I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
