Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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