My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
