So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
