I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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