We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
