She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
