Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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