He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
someone owes me an orgasm
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
