And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
