the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
