I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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