the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
