hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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