Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
