I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
