If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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