Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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