Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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