it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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