and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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