And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
