Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
