i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
