Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
