Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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