She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
