I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize