She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
