Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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