I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
