just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just want nice things and good sex
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
