You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
