yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
