My brain says no but my pants say off.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
