your thong is hanging out like whoa
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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