Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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