Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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