why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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