New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
