My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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