This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
