Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
