Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize