I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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