i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
