Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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