oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
