I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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