K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
