I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
