The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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