When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
