He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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