Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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