She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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