Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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