Joe is yelling at the trees again.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
