Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
