Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
