Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
