You smell like a Billy Joel song
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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