I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
