btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
