btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize