that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
