Umm I'm too high to move.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
