11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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