Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
