Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
