yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
