ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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