Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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