i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
