he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize