I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
