I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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