Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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