he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
