do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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